i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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