Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
