Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
