I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
