Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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