I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
