Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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