So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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