Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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