how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Four minutes until I can fart!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
