Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
