I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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