Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
