I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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