Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
