fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
