Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
