Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i think i have herpe
just one?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I have vodka in my lungs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
