Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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