I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
