My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
