i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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