Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
