jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
