I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
