What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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