im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
