Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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