We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
