went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
