turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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