I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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