he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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