I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
now i know why i became what i already was.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize