Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
