I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
