I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
