My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
