I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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