So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
