I wish i was in the wii world.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
