allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
