Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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