Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
