he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life