She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.