Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...