Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.