Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.