Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
