Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There r osticjed everywhere
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
