I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
