I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
