i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
