On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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