is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
