i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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