Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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