He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
