I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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