so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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