well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
