I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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