i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
