he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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