I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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