i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
