hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
