so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
