don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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