Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Randomize
