Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
