He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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