Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
