new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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