What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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