I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
