the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
