It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
